The Roman’s guide to navigating complexity (Aldi) in these trying times

If you’re an Aldi shopper, and you haven’t experienced it yet… you will. Because the first time I entered the store after they rearranged everything — it was shocking.

The desperation, the confusion, the disbelief among all the shoppers was palpable. Nearby, I heard a hoarse whisper, “I don’t understand. I was just in here yesterday.”

And it all happened overnight. While we slept.

I’ve been in and out a few times now. I’ve had some time to process the chaos. And, I’ve developed a roadmap to hopefully empower my fellow Romans along their own journeys in the Aldi Arena. 

But first: Who’s navigating the grid?

Before we get into the “how”, we must talk about the “who.” Let’s meet the key players of this very different — but equally critical — kind of hunger game. 

Level 1: These shoppers are armed with a Token (quarter) to trade in for a Victory Vessel (cart). Seasoned participants also have one or more Tribute Totes (bag) and their own Personalized Guide (shopping list) that is quite comprehensive. Level 1’s are the most serious and prepared among us, and therefore have muchstake. If you cross a Level 1 and they are either in Shopping Phase 1 or 3 of their turn in the Arena — you’ll know.

Level 2: Most fit into this category. They probably forgot their Token, but likely have a Tribute Tote. Or vice versa. Their Guides are short — a double-edged sword. While their goals seem manageable and simple to achieve, every item is essential. Level 2’s have the mindset that they can’t afford to lose. This makes them particularly savage, no matter what Phase of shopping they’re in. 

Level 3: Oh, Level 3’s. We’ve all been there. These feral scavengers don’t have a Token. They don’t even have a Tribute Tote. Completely dependent on getting their hands on a Chaos Cube (empty box), their Guide is in their head… and they’re desperately trying to remember each item the whole time they’re in the Aldi Arena. For Level 3’s, the lines between failure and success are blurred to begin with, so the Shopping Phases are arbitrary. There is no rhyme. No reason. Level 3’s thrive on ambiguity (which actually makes them the most likely to win). 

The Aldi Arena Shopping Phases are simple: 

• Phase 1 means you’ve just arrived. Your hopes are high, and your outlook is optimistic.

• Phase 2 is when you’re deep in the Arena, and you’ve had some wins… and are likely wracking up a few losses, though you’re in complete denial about it. 

• Phase 3? That’s acceptance. Perhaps victory. Maybe defeat. Regardless, this final lap leads to the Exit Portal… which is a win, in and of itself. 

So, now that we’ve met our shoppers, let’s dive into the Roman’s survival playbook to successfully chart the turbulent aisles of Aldi.

 5 tips to survive the chaos of the Aldi Arena

Survival tip 1: Release all expectations from the start — or prepare to fail. I like to look at it this way: if it’s more of a goal than a plan, it doesn’t sting as much when I leave without That-Thing-I-Thought-I-Needed-and-Am-Now-Rationalizing-My-Existence-Without-It. Go into that Arena, Token in one hand and Tribute Totes in the other, with some clearly defined Nice-To-Haves rather than a full list of Must-Haves. That way, when you inevitably leave without one of them, the outlook isn’t as bleak.

Survival tip 2: Know the established Anchor Points, and return to them when things start to get dicey.

These are the areas of the Arena that didn’t change. The cheese in the back of the store. The pork, poultry and beef. Most (but not all) of the prepared food. The dairy, the frozen vegetables. If you start to get lost in the grid, it helps to return to these areas of familiarity — whether your Guide contains one of those items or not. The Anchor Points are symbolic of simpler times. We could all use some comforting nostalgia these days, so if you find peace among fresh slabs of salmon, so be it.

Survival tip 3: Take pride in your wins… but don’t get cocky. 

We get it ok? You’re in Aldi a few times a week. You’ve rounded the grid more times than you care to count at this point. You’re likely a Level 1, always with your Token, never forgetting your Tribute Tote… hell, your Victory Vessel is probably organized by fresh, frozen and miscellaneous before you even get in line for the Exit Portal. 

Everyone else is trying their best. If you see someone wandering aimlessly or slinking toward the Safe Zone, be kind. And if you’re really generous, extend a favor. A friendly “Hey, isn’t it crazy that the cookies are where the chips used to be?” can go a long way.

Survival tip 4: Retreat to the Safe Zone when necessary. 

Speaking of the Safe Zone… embrace it. We all need a moment. For some, they went to find the cereal, and what was there was definitely not cereal. Others sought sparkling water and found something else entirely. The items that now line the shelves didn’t even register to you. All you knew was it wasn’t there. 

So, you begin questioning everything. Time. Space. The past. The future. Because the present is a tilted floor, a senseless void. You meander to what used to be the canned food section. It’s a seasonal aisle now. A few others are there too, and everyone is “browsing.” Silently staring at items… but not seeing anything at all. Gazes are glazed over, hollow, and empty. They’re gathering the will to try to find that one thing. The one thing they need. One last time. 

Survival tip 5: Leave the arena with knowledge for the future.

Whether you leave with everything from your Guide, or you choose to give something up in order to save yourself, you earn what you learn. Each piece of information you collect is research for your database that you can leverage the next time you visit the Aldi Arena. So if you end up sacrificing an item on your list in return for prioritizing your peace, you gave it all you could. And whether you feel it or not, you are stronger now. Find your path forward

Now, especially as we’re in the thick of the holiday season, I hope this helps each of my fellow Aldi shoppers. Finding your way through the maze of our local Arena is a challenge not for the faint of heart. But this community is courageous. We’ve triumphed over many trials together, and this challenge is no different. 

So rest up, and take heart… another trip to the Aldi Arena is closer on the horizon than it seems. As for me? I’ll see you in there. 

Lauren Jones of Rome is a professional storyteller, marketing director and video producer who developed the idea for this article somewhere between an Anchor Point and The Safe Zone of the Rome Aldi Arena.